Triple Negative Breast Cancer

I have a new oncologist and I love him. Almost four years ago, I moved 400 miles from where I had cancer treatment. I haven’t had adequate follow-up since except for routine mammograms prescribed by an internist. For someone with dense breasts, a routine mammogram does not give an adequate picture. With a high deductible came […]

Fatigue, Pain and Quiet

I needed a break from my blog, but I miss writing. I miss continuing the book that is my work-in -progress. I feel so brain dead much of the time. Actually, I hear my coherent thoughts, ideas and inspiration, but mostly don’t have the energy to execute them in a way that’s all that interesting. I decided to write […]

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

In my last post, I mentioned not feeling well lately. I continued to feel relentlessly fatigued and brain fogged, so I went to the doctor. I did not go to my old worthless doctor, but found a new M.D. whom I love. He’s an older man with experience. I checked him out on Yelp and healthgrades.com […]

Healthcare and the Elections

For the last few months, I haven’t felt well. I’ve been extremely fatigued. Just abnormally exhausted. Long story short, my thyroid medication was increased and that definitely helped, but it’s not the whole answer. I’ve been fatigued to varying degrees since cancer, but now I’m going backward. I haven’t been to an oncologist in more than […]

Forgiving the Clueless

I’ve long been a proponent of no-fault cancer. I grappled with this when first diagnosed. I wondered what I did wrong. I poked and prodded until I came to certain conclusions. I’ve never asked that question again. I do have memories, though, of people who provoked such questioning. Recently I was reminded of Jen, a co-worker’s wife, who […]

In Love

I drive down a windy back road with rolling hills.  Wildflowers dot the landscape like fluffy balls of white and yellow popcorn. I am in love. The neighborhood cat waits expectantly when I arrive home. He brushes against my legs, gazing up with puppy eyes that tell me: I may be a cat, but I love like […]

Survivors, Suffering and Suicide

Last week there was some stir about a post on Metavivor that stated breast cancer survivors “have a medical year to endure and life goes back to normal.” The article stated that the early stager’s problems pale next to the metastatic patient (yes, absolutely true), but then goes on to describe the survivor’s problem as fear […]

Fatigue

There are days fatigue sits on my shoulders its fat ass crushing my bones My skeleton disintegrates into tiny fragments leaving my flesh like a rumpled unmade bed   There are days I feel like a stuffed doll strewn across the cold tiled floor Abandoned, lifeless, lumpy Matted stuffing peeks out from ripped seams   Some days […]

“If I Die” Lists

The other night, I awoke at 3 AM with throbbing pain that radiated from the surgery site up to the top of my head. I thought: Am I having a heart attack? Am I dying? It was unlike any pain I’d had before so my mind went … there. I wondered how long it would take […]

Attitude About Platitudes

Since then, at an uncertain hour, That agony returns: And till my ghastly tale is told, This heart within me burns.       –Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner These last few weeks, I’ve noticed an onslaught of judgment on social media where cancer patients, including those who are metastatic, have been slammed for being […]

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