Burn-Out and Vacation

It’s no secret I’ve been burned out, plagued by exhaustion, struggling through work while coping with CFIDS, which I’m certain was triggered by the trauma of cancer and all the other falling apart of life as I’d known it. In other words, the collateral damage. Relief is on its way. I’m going on a long-needed two-week vacation. […]

Does This Illness Make Me Look Broken?

Dear Fixer: Does this illness make me look broken? I only ask because I see you’d like to fix me. I know, I know. You care. And fixing me makes you feel useful and keeps you from fixating on your own brokenness. The thing is, when I see you rush toward me with that multi-tiered toolbox, I […]

Platitudes and Privilege

Life isn’t about waiting for storms to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. Beautiful sentiment, yes? Sure, until you reach your tipping point. Until experience extends beyond the place these sentiments can reach and their wisdom is reduced to empty-caloric, sugar-coated babble. My friend tossed me this platitude recently.* She emailed to ask how I was. My reply included a […]

Words and Images

You know you’re a writer when you get the written results of your mammogram and the first thing you spot is a grammatical error: We are pleased to let you know that the results of your recent breast imaging examination on 6/30/16 shows no sign of breast cancer. Um, don’t you mean “show”? Not to make […]

Triple Negative Breast Cancer

I have a new oncologist and I love him. Almost four years ago, I moved 400 miles from where I had cancer treatment. I haven’t had adequate follow-up since except for routine mammograms prescribed by an internist. For someone with dense breasts, a routine mammogram does not give an adequate picture. With a high deductible came […]

Fatigue, Pain and Quiet

I needed a break from my blog, but I miss writing. I miss continuing the book that is my work-in -progress. I feel so brain dead much of the time. Actually, I hear my coherent thoughts, ideas and inspiration, but mostly don’t have the energy to execute them in a way that’s all that interesting. I decided to write […]

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

In my last post, I mentioned not feeling well lately. I continued to feel relentlessly fatigued and brain fogged, so I went to the doctor. I did not go to my old worthless doctor, but found a new M.D. whom I love. He’s an older man with experience. I checked him out on Yelp and healthgrades.com […]

Healthcare and the Elections

For the last few months, I haven’t felt well. I’ve been extremely fatigued. Just abnormally exhausted. Long story short, my thyroid medication was increased and that definitely helped, but it’s not the whole answer. I’ve been fatigued to varying degrees since cancer, but now I’m going backward. I haven’t been to an oncologist in more than […]

Forgiving the Clueless

I’ve long been a proponent of no-fault cancer. I grappled with this when first diagnosed. I wondered what I did wrong. I poked and prodded until I came to certain conclusions. I’ve never asked that question again. I do have memories, though, of people who provoked such questioning. Recently I was reminded of Jen, a co-worker’s wife, who […]

In Love

I drive down a windy back road with rolling hills.  Wildflowers dot the landscape like fluffy balls of white and yellow popcorn. I am in love. The neighborhood cat waits expectantly when I arrive home. He brushes against my legs, gazing up with puppy eyes that tell me: I may be a cat, but I love like […]

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