Survivors, Suffering and Suicide

Last week there was some stir about a post on Metavivor that stated breast cancer survivors “have a medical year to endure and life goes back to normal.” The article stated that the early stager’s problems pale next to the metastatic patient (yes, absolutely true), but then goes on to describe the survivor’s problem as fear […]


There are days fatigue sits on my shoulders its fat ass crushing my bones My skeleton disintegrates into tiny fragments leaving my flesh like a rumpled unmade bed   There are days I feel like a stuffed doll strewn across the cold tiled floor Abandoned, lifeless, lumpy Matted stuffing peeks out from ripped seams   Some days […]

“If I Die” Lists

The other night, I awoke at 3 AM with throbbing pain that radiated from the surgery site up to the top of my head. I thought: Am I having a heart attack? Am I dying? It was unlike any pain I’d had before so my mind went … there. I wondered how long it would take […]

Attitude About Platitudes

Since then, at an uncertain hour, That agony returns: And till my ghastly tale is told, This heart within me burns.       –Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner These last few weeks, I’ve noticed an onslaught of judgment on social media where cancer patients, including those who are metastatic, have been slammed for being […]

Does God Give More Than We Can Handle?

Cliche: A phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought. Cliche of the Day: God never gives you more than you can handle. Is that true? And is God even responsible for our adversity? A Thoughtful Response Let’s start with the assumption that God bears full responsibility for everything that happens to us […]

Happy Holidays

Wishing a happy holiday and new year to all. To those who celebrate Christmas, have a very merry. To those who celebrate with Chinese food and a movie, gut yontiff. I just want to share a bit of exquisite beauty. My son, Daniel, just got back from a trip to Bryce Canyon in Utah. Below are […]

Komen and the Metastatic Community

Komen is nothing more than a glorified event planner, hosting races and events, raising lots of money. Good times! Despite its slogan, “For the cure,” very little of that money is allocated toward research. Beth Caldwell, who writes the Cult of Perfect Motherhood blog, just came back from the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium where she met with a representative from Komen […]

Hair and Other Waking Things

Insane, I know, but after a long slumber, my hair woke up. Five years after my last chemo, new hair is growing back, again. Of course, it grew back earlier on. I posted a photo journal here. Apparently I’m not done. Around Thanksgiving five years ago, I had the last drip of Taxol that would signal the […]

The Eat Pray Love of Cancer

In follow-up to my Mythical Cancer Survivor post, there’s a similar phenomenon that’s not so much mythical as it is rare: the Eat Pray Love Survivor. After treatment and landing in the NED zone, this person trades in her old life for a complete makeover. She quits her soul-sucking job, moves to a beautiful island with occasional world travel to bask in […]

Bad Things Happen to Good People

A co-worker’s son is seriously ill with a rare disease. Three surgeries later, he’s in the ICU with unexpected complications. When his mother was last in the office, she said, “He’s a really good person. He has all that good karma so that should help him get better and not be a statistic, right?” I nodded my […]

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