Fatigue, Pain and Quiet

I needed a break from my blog, but I miss writing. I miss continuing the book that is my work-in -progress. I feel so brain dead much of the time. Actually, I hear my coherent thoughts, ideas and inspiration, but mostly don’t have the energy to execute them in a way that’s all that interesting. I decided to write […]

Survivors, Suffering and Suicide

Last week there was some stir about a post on Metavivor that stated breast cancer survivors “have a medical year to endure and life goes back to normal.” The article stated that the early stager’s problems pale next to the metastatic patient (yes, absolutely true), but then goes on to describe the survivor’s problem as fear […]

Fatigue

There are days fatigue sits on my shoulders its fat ass crushing my bones My skeleton disintegrates into tiny fragments leaving my flesh like a rumpled unmade bed   There are days I feel like a stuffed doll strewn across the cold tiled floor Abandoned, lifeless, lumpy Matted stuffing peeks out from ripped seams   Some days […]

Attitude About Platitudes

Since then, at an uncertain hour, That agony returns: And till my ghastly tale is told, This heart within me burns.       –Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner These last few weeks, I’ve noticed an onslaught of judgment on social media where cancer patients, including those who are metastatic, have been slammed for being […]

Bad Things Happen to Good People

A co-worker’s son is seriously ill with a rare disease. Three surgeries later, he’s in the ICU with unexpected complications. When his mother was last in the office, she said, “He’s a really good person. He has all that good karma so that should help him get better and not be a statistic, right?” I nodded my […]

Open Letter to Be Bold Be Bald Campaign

October 16 was Be Bold Be Bald for 2015, an annual event to raise money to support cancer patients by asking people to buy and wear flesh-colored caps for a day and mimic baldness in honor of cancer patients. I’m a day late because I tried to block it out, but each year it bothers me to no end. […]

Cancer Girls with Big Mouths

“It’s cancer this and cancer that.” My friend spoke of a woman she knows who’s a survivor. “Cancer has become her identity. She’s the cancer girl. It’s been ten years. I feel like telling her: Get over it!” Whenever two women vent, there’s an implicit agreement that we are here to affirm each other. That moment in the conversation […]

New Year Healing

I’m not a particularly religious person, but I do enjoy services on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. This year, as the rabbi went through the service and the congregants followed in prayer books, we heard the same familiar words recited every new year, but when we came to the prayer known as the Shehecheyanu, I had a moment […]

Repost: On Finding out Craig Had Metastatic Cancer

My friend Craig was diagnosed with cancer about the same time as me. Unlike me, his cancer was metastatic, having spread to other parts of his body. Before I moved from L.A., he and I got together along with his little boy. I quickly realized that while we shared some commonalities, his experience varied from […]

Breaking News: Woman Dies of Something Else!

TUSCALOOSA, AL — Virginia Whittlesby, 73, died today from something other than cancer. The cause of death has not yet been determined, but malignancy in any form has been conclusively ruled out. “It’s truly a medical conundrum,” said Lawrence Kahn, M.D. “There’s such a high incidence of patients with malignancies that cancer has become our go-to disease when ordering […]

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